Dad's Rambling Again

Four hours delayed at Laguardia Airport. Four hours for a forty-five minute flight. Makes you realize how much insanity you put up with at the airport.

Who are these people who work security? They stare at your ID intently and never look up to see if your face matches the picture. I swear I could use the driver's license of a seventy-two year old comanche grandmother and get waved in. "Enjoy your flight, Mrs. Danceswithbuffalo."

And there's more joy once they have you locked in the terminal (and really "terminal"? who named this? are we not scared enough flying in seven tons of steel piloted by two guys who probably have kicked back three cocktails). Now while waiting for your plane and reading the monitor showing your flight is on time (LIAR!!) you get to size up your fellow passangers in case of a terrorist attack while drinking an $11 bottle of water.

Then of course they begin boarding the plane. Actually, preboarding. What does that even mean? You get on before you get on? Anyway, I'm watching these people with obviously faked handicaps cutting in front of me and taking the good seats. I'll probably be sitting in the middle of the back row across from the bathroom.

Then we get the announcements. Apparently the plane can't violate the laws of gravity if my tray table is down or my seat is reclined 3/4 inch. Have these announcements changed since 1972? Seriously do we need to be told that it is a violation of federal law to disable the smoke detector in the bathroom? Are there people muttering "As soon as that's legal I'm taking that darn thing off." Yes, yes, seatbelt....small piece into big piece...got it, thanks. If I'm flying to Denver from Baltimore can we skip the "in the event of a water landing" lecture? If we splash down in a pond in Ohio I'll apologize.

Forgive me, I'm rambling again.